pressure

i sat outside, a cool night
dug out the pack of cigerettes
hidden obscurely from sight
its been over 4 months

three matches later
it was lit
as was I
from the wine

i called my grandmother
i'm sorry i said
if iI appeared unsocial
no...but she was concerned
about the children running around
i explained
o.k. ... its over now

i sat there
in my sorry state
then took a break
and came upstairs
saw the IM from my 9 year old niece
"i'm sad...i miss you...
"i'm crying"

I'm here, Kelsey
what's wrong?
"I got a B on my progress report
My mom is so upset"

I understand, Kels
we all feel bad when we think
we've disappointed someone
we all feel bad.